So I began to unbox it in the usual fashion. It’s basically a custom shoe box with strong cardboard sides. Of course, since the package is of “corporate thematic flair” (they’re trying to sell me something here), the new “The Final Edition” (2012) was included in the set. It smells good. In my smell-o-meter of AXE-branded body spay products, this would nab second place, next to the Chocolate Edition they had a couple of years ago.
AXE “Survival Kit” Components Breakdown:
OK so there’s a rope for tying things up. That makes sense.
Handcuffs? Now why would I need that? If there was a transgressor, I’d probably kill him first. Ah I get it, it’s probably used for scaling down a zip line (they did that in Avatar: The Last Airbender). Or something. Gee.
A tourniquet. For bandaging wounds. Or to give you that Nathan Drake look from Uncharted. Then there’s “fuel.” Well. That could probably light a burner. Probably.
And then I took out all the components from the box. Put them on the table. Wait a minute. Something’s not right here. Why are the handcuffs fluffy? And the rope. That can’t hold anything together! It looks more like a tassel if you ask me! And the oils.. that’s DEFINITELY not for fire.
WAIT A MINUTE! THIS ISN’T A SURVIVAL KIT!